eBay: Freaks on Parade

31 Mar, 2006
Posted at 22.48 PST

Another bit from the other half of the site, an entry from last year.

So I’m selling an old iBook on eBay, and I get the following email:

“Hello seller, I will like to buy this item…cus i have been looking for this kinda item that will be packed..and will be exactly composed like this…..I want to buy it ..and will like to pay you in cash via Money Order…But i will like you to ship this item as soon as you have recieve a confirmation e-mail from Western Union that the money order has been confirmed… I also promise to add you an extra $350.00 to the reserve price of the item …to end this auction early for me….cus i need it very urgenttly…. i sent the information of this item to my customers for Year 2005 …and i have had enough of good offers from them..so i woun’t like to miss the offers from them nor will i like to loose any of my customer…So send me your address for the payment…and the total amount exclud shipping …I will like to handle the shipment myself by using my fedex discount account. Thanks”

I’m mostly amused by it, as this sort of thing is a well known scam on eBay.  It usually involves sending the item to Africa, but hey, at least he’s trying for a little variety.  At any rate, I’m amused enough to respond—and post the response publically on the item’s page—maybe it’ll let others know I’m not interested in ending auctions early and completing the transaction through email, not least of which is because it is against eBay policy.  Here is my response:

Are you insane?

Even ignoring the suspicious nature of the request and the blatant abuse of grammar, spelling, and ellipses, it is unethical to end an auction early solely for the convenience of a single person. In short, please find the nearest large body of water and jump into it.

Concise, unlike my would-be scammer’s rambling missive with its strange mix of misspellings and tense changes.  Why waste words, no?  And that, I figured, was the end of it.  It’s not often one gets to respond to something so unethical with a snidely humorous response—and get to feel a little self-righteousness to boot!  So I was feeling a bit pleased with myself. 

 And then it got better.  I got a response. 

Now  I am terribly tempted to play this through, but my sense of better judgment forces me to decline, sadly.  I mean…well…wow.  It’s apparent I’m in over my head.  After all, he uses lots of exclamation points!!!!!!! (Remember children, one will do)  And notice the use of ‘u’ in place of the word ‘you.’  Ooh, how l33t.   (And how terribly professional).  How can one respond to such an erudite display of wit and education?  Truly, I am humbled by this individual’s obviously superior intellect.  Out of my league, don’t you know?  Now that I’ve been so eloquently put into my place, I guess I’ll just have to take my toys and go home. 

Or, I suppose I could post this little exchange to the web, and put this idiot’s words and blinding display of intelligence up for all the world to see.  Yes kids, eBay can be fun! 

And remember:  one’s station in life is determined by his or her mastery of the English language.  Let this be a lesson to you.

Ramblings | Permanent Link

iBook HD Replacement

31 Mar, 2006
Posted at 22.40 PST

I was cleaning up the graphics side of the site, and ran into this bit: an excerpt from an email I sent a friend in London concerning the finer points of installing a new hard drive into an iBook long ago:

•The top shield has basically two sizes of screws, so it’s not as intimidating screwing it back on as it might first seem. The only exception (usually), is an extra small screw that goes in the corner at the top of the battery bay. If you get confused as to which holes need screws (assuming you didn’t mark the holes with a felt-tip or something similar), just rest the top case back in position and see if the screw holes in it have a clear path. If they don’t you’ve put one into the wrong hole. Easy to correct.

•The little metallic cloth doohickey/grounding strap at the top beside the display coming off the LVDS (Low Voltage Data Signal) cable screws on top of the shield. [If you’re curious, this is the cable that carries the actual digital signal to the LCD. The backlight is powered from the cable that attaches over by the RAM slot). The other cable, the one that attaches down by the HD is actually the mic cable. I have no idea why it attaches way down there.

•Don’t forget the reed switch magnet just above the battery bay inside the cd tray; it has a nasty habit of snatching the screw from your screwdriver. [The reed switch is a magnetically activated metal strip switch inside the display. It’s what signals the iBook to go to sleep when the lid is closed. Wave a magnet by the right hand side of the display and watch your machine magically go to sleep].

•Those four screws that are in the battery bay and CD slot?—the slightly larger two go in the battery bay, but no harm will come to the machine if you accidentally reverse them.

•Slip the top case back on over the DC-in port first, then the other sides will slide/snap down without too much issue.

•Don’t forget to attach the keyboard before screwing down the RAM shield! (I do this all the time, most irritating to have to unscrew the thing again, and a source of neverending amusement to my  coworker when he hears me say “Shit!” when reassembling one. ;-)

•AirPort card goes in text side up/Apple symbol down.

•If the iBook doesn’t power up the first time you press the button, don’t panic. Wait a second or two, and press again. It’s not uncommon. I think it has something to do with the power management unit being cut off from all current, but am not entirely sure.

•You can make the little round top case magnet jump around and chase your screwdriver pretty easily. This is vastly amusing, especially if you make little ‘Grrr, Grrr,” noises like a small dog.

•Your coworkers will likely laugh at you, not with you, if you do this.

•I speak from experience.

•Nudge the cables that come off the display back into place up under the shield’s edge as you’re putting the bottom case back on and it’ll sit easier. (This is another surprising Apple touch. Those cables are protected by wrapping them in capton tape. And because there’s a teeny-tiny chance they might show in the least bit, Apple paints them gray to match the case).

•Paying attention to the placement of the plastic shield around the ports can save you from having to remove and reseat the bottom case. (The bottom case’s edge goes under the ports shield).

•If you want some insanely strong magnets, take apart your old hard drive. If it’s been sounding as if there is a ping-pong game going on inside of it, the data is basically toast anyway. There should be two inside—they activate the read/write arm, plus a perfect mirror of a disk.

As you may have surmised, the means by which I make my living have quite a lot to do with Apple laptops.

Ramblings | Permanent Link